Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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