Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
