i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
