I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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