Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
