brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
