thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
