oh fat girl friday strikes again...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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