I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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