Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
