this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and she was petting her beer can
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
