I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dear god my vagina.
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