life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
