i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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