Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
