quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
