You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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