Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
