RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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