Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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