We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
