We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
