this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
