we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
