I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
