Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do vagina's smell?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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