Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
