I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
