normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
