I could have mohawked her pubes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
