You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
