carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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