Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
