I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
