how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
