Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
