plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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