i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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