in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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