Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every concussion has its silver lining
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
