I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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