I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So vagazzling was a success
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