I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
