What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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