Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
