I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
bring money and cleavage
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I could fuck to npr.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
