C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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