I want to stick my p in your. b.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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