I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
