Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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