Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
