My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
