talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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