Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize