I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
