And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Randomize
