it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
