How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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