The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
