She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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