i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
