I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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