I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
