Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
