I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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