my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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