i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
