My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
