i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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