I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
