Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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