He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just blew my weed a kiss
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
