you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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