So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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