I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the raccoons are back...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
