i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
