I feel like abortions should bother me more
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
