I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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