Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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