I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
