I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
