I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
