I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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