Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
