my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
