It's like God shit irony all over that family
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
