Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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